leaving you is the only choice i have rite now. no doubt, i do still love u. its not because of a third party that i decided to leave you. but for our own good. yes. OUR OWN good. you hold on to me way too tight, and im suffocating. i needed space for myself. you told me you love me so much, and that's the reason why you're being so controlling. but i still don't get it. i can't change my ways & you too can't change your ways. so might as well, i backed out first.

everyone blamed me for leaving you. and i mean, EVERYONE. everyone shows you their sympathy, but who's showing me their sympathy?? no one. no one at all. tat is how bad everyone is blaming me. i know, we had alot of things coming up. but too bad, we can't make it happen together.

past 2 days was hell for me. i travel everywhere alone. all by myself. i must say, it was hard. hard not having you by my side. every now & then, i would tell myself that i have to learn to be independent. i have to learn to cope with my life without you being with me. everywhere i go, reminds me of you. i cried to myself day & night. i just feel like locking myself in my room & rot rather than go out and see things that reminds me of you. honestly, rite now, at this moment as im blogging, im still missing you. and, im still loving you. and, i know, you'll be reading this post.

i know, i must deal with this hardship alone. but its ok. just my luck. maybe, a retribution for me. i will try my very best to lead my life to what god had planned for me. even if it means for me to suffer throughout my life, im fine with it.

but don't you worry. all memories that i had with you are still safe in my heart. i shall not erase them away. those memories will be the one that will cheer me up whenever i missed you. and those memories will be one that will accompany me throughout my life now.

i will always pray and hope for the best for you. like what mak said, "mungkin syafiq akan dapat yang lagi bagus daripada suriani". and yeap, mum's right. you'll find someone better and worthy for your love. till then, do take care of yourself.

my batam trip was fun. thanks to nonie san & nana ozu for making it worthwhile. heh. my body is still aching now, thanks to e banana boat tat i rode & not forgetting the jet ski ride. *smile* i totally put aside everything tat has been troubling me. and oh well, how i wish i dont hv to come back to spore. (yeap, im running away frm my troubles here) *sigh* i hv to face to reality again. darn!

cant wait for my weekend getaway cum nonie-san bday celeb at Batam View. woohoo! only 3 of us, myself, nonie-san & nana ozu. but am sure we're gonna have fun. yeah! finally, away frm all my troubles. im gonna enjoy myself though its only 2 days. *grin* to y'all, happy weekend! adios!

I have not been myself lately. I guess I hv too much in my mind right now. Always faking my happiness wen im with you. Trying my best not to hurt you with my forever-fcuked-up attitude. You make me happy but yet so sad. Was it always my fault wen things dont turned out the way it shld be?? I tried my best to understand and changed for the better. I tried my best to suits your unreasonable needs. Sometimes I wonder, have you ever try understanding me? Have you understand the way i lead my life? well, it's 3 yrs commitment im talking abt here. I'm feeling so restless now. I know you are capable of finding someone much better than me. I hope I could learn to cope living my everyday life without you, if ever we weren't meant to be together. I seriously don't know what to do. I don't need much from you. All i need is for you to understand me & give me a little space. I've gone through enough so please try and understand. I've only had the last pieces of me right now. I'm afraid i can't hold out any longer. I'm sorry if i chose to give up & let go. Please Forgive Me....


Should I Stay Or Should I go?.....

can i pretty say tat im blessed to have loving & forgiving people arnd me.. mommy, daddy, abg, asraff, dear syafiq, dear cousins & dear friends.. all of tis people has bn wif me thru difficulties & happy times..

im thankful & blessed to have mommy still loving me.. despite all the bad & shameful things tat i've done.. mommy bought for me a gold necklace & bracelet as a advance birthday present for me... *smile* how wonderful can tat be? i've finally realised how much mommy had sacrificed for me, her only daughter.. never did i try to sit down & think wat mommy had done to make me happy.. not even once..

mommy, i truly appreciate wat u hv done for me.. thank you so much..

went shopping at JB City Square wif mai, fiz & aby.. juz us girls.. fun-fun.. bought 7 shirts & 1 shades frm vincci.. hole in e pocket.. *smile*

on e other hand, after retail theraphy at JB, bought Charles & Keith bag.. another damaged done.. heheh.. after which, met aisyah, hanom, faezah & mimi.. went for a quick dinner then off we went for lepak-kings & camwhoring session behind national library.. *wink*

simply a great saturday spent with my beloved ~g.i.r.l.f.r.i.e.n.d.s~

thanks babes for e company...